Reflection on Marriage- A 35 Year Retrospective

Last weekend my husband and I celebrated our 35th anniversary.  Instead of a big splashy party or fancy trip, we decided on a stay-cation: a low key, stress-free hang out in our home town (a tourist area in itself).  We were committed to spend time together, something we do not do as often as we should.  Just reconnecting. 

It was a wonderful and much needed time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The original plan was to get out and enjoy those touristy things that we never do, but mostly we spent it here:

We just floated and talked and floated.... It was a great retreat! 

When people find out how long I have been married they occasionally ask what the secret is to a long and happy marriage. I usually laugh it off and declare that I am certainly not an expert, but I have spent some time pondering this, especially since my own daughters became engaged and eventually marrying.  I do have some thoughts, take them for what you will! 

• Choose someone you can laugh with. A sense of humor that is companionable with yours is essential to get through those difficult parts of life that you will inevitably run into. 

• Choose someone you like, not just love.   

• If at all possible, have separate bathrooms!  I know that this is not always possible economically or otherwise, but I have shared and not shared and not is much better!  Just trust me on this one! 

• Pre-wedding conversations should be about more than the ceremony and reception. More about finances than flowers, more about children than champagne, more about future goals and dreams than dresses. These honest conversations should continue regularly throughout your relationship in a peaceful and companionable way.

•  Along these same lines- get a pre-nuptial agreement.  Take it from a retired attorney.  It may not be the most romantic way to spend your engagement period, but it does lead to those honest conversations mentioned above and can help to avoid more heartache later. 

• Recognize that you and your partner are human and that you will grow and change over the years- physically, emotionally, and in every other way possible.  Choose someone that you can grow with. 

• Take the time to spend time with your spouse without the kids.  Keep dating even after the marriage.  One day the children will be grown and gone and you will be back to the two of you again. Make sure that you are still a couple with mutual interests and topics of conversation that go beyond what is happening with the jobs, the pets and the house. 

There is a lot of advice that I would have given this young bride thirty-five years ago, but I doubt she would have listened!  And that is okay, we learn and we grow.  That is why we are here. 

So, Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! May we have many more happy years together! 

Thanks for stopping by today! 

Cynthia